We have spent the past few weeks talking to Campbell about the fact that her hair may fall out and trying to prepare her for it. We were very concerned as it had started thinning and, despite the "keep your hair" voodoo dances we have been doing, we wanted to make sure she we able to answer questions from her friends should the time come. Sometimes even we forget how strong this kid is. When I told her that her hair might fall out her comment was not sadness but ony a question - " Nanny will make me some hats right?". I think we could all take some lessons in her lack of vanity and big picture outlook.
Then last week, as she continued to thin on her head, I got the FIRST complaint from her in the past two years..."Daddy, if I lose all my hair, I won't be beautiful anymore...". Once she wa done with her tap dance on my heart out, I explained to her that it was her smile and HER that made her beautiful. I couldn't help but wonder if that was her or us talking? She has always had beautiful curls and both Robin and I have both commented on them over the years. So was she concerned that we wouldn't think so or is SHE concerned about her own appearance? Maybe a little bit of both is what I am accepting now...
Now, after spending the past week picking up more an more hair off the ground and out of the bathtub and her pillow and her brush and me and the couch and the kitchen....you get the point...we have passed the what if point and are faced with the reality that she will soon BR wearing hats as a staple of her wardrobe and will start looking like a "cancer patient". But, as we sat in church yesterday I couldn't help but think of how fortunate we are to be here with her. That she keeps smiling and feels great. And we can hope that while we watch, the chemo drugs are killing the cancer that is living in her spine. We can occasionally allow outselves to look forward to the days ahead of her when this will just be an unfortunate chapter in her life. We have this luxury while so many children and parents don't. Many that we know aren't as fortunate. They are hoping to get to the next holiday or the next birthday or even just tomorrow. Despite everything thus far, I still feel that we are fortunate to pick up her hair and laugh WITH her as she fights the fight of her life.
So Cam will enjoy her hats and start her collection and maybe inspire other kids with her strength and positive spirit like she inspires us every day. I'm thinking a fez may be a nice change of pace on Thanksgiving...
With Love,
Greg, Robin, Caitlin, Caroline and Campbell
